I wonder when…

Such a bad morning today, I read the news about Junta sentenced to 14 prominent 88 generation student activists for 65 years, blogger Nay Phone Latt for 20 years, poet Saw Wei for two years, Thin July Kyaw for 2 years. There is news spreading that Su Su Nway has been sentenced to 18 years but has yet to confirm.

All 14 student activists had already spend half of their life in false imprisonment and now Junta want them to spend rest of their life in prison. Regarding Nay Phone Latt, he is on 28 years old. He has lots of prospect for the future and now Junta are trying to destroy it by false imprisonment. 65 years, 20 years!! Can you believe it!! Even rapists and murders in our country won’t get that kind of sentences. By writing this right now, my body is shaking with anger and wants to cry for them. I am at work so I better control myself.

I wonder when will be the pay back time for Junta.

I wonder when will be these entire suffering ends.

I wonder when will be all of our own people united, starting about think enough is enough, stop expecting that “one day UN troop would come and safe us” (which they never will) and start fight for their freedom.

I wonder when all of us can go home without fear.

I, the attention seeker who doesn’t like to have too much of attention

Hmm…  The title sounds like I just tell you everything you need to know about the hidden part of me.

I just learn myself that I am somewhat always seeking the attention from the people I care. All my life, I thought I hate being in the centre of attention but didn’t realise that I was trying hard to get the attention from people who l care about at the same time. If I don’t get the attention, I felt insecure, vulnerable and disappointed at myself. This is my weak point.

The good thing is this weakness of mine becomes my strong point. Because I wanted attention from my parent (not that they didn’t gave me any attention, I think I just wanted more from them), I was trying hard for good grade at school, listen to what they asked me to do and tried hard to be a good daughter that every parent want. All together I did all sort of good things that I thought my parent would like even though I didn’t enjoy it. That’s why I always get the attention from my parent (I still do) but then I always feel like I need more. Because of that I have been trying hard for what my parent wants for me. Now I have great career (I like what I am doing) which I could ever asked for. I am not saying I am having a perfect life but you could say I have a good life now.

But then, I don’t want to be centre of attention from the people I don’t really know and people who really don’t know me. I don’t feel comfortable about it. I don’t want to get compliment or praise words from the people who really don’t know about me. It is not that I feel I don’t deserve that, I just rather want to hear these words from the someone who really know me for what I am, not from that people who don’t know me for who I am and what I have done. Because of that I feel their compliment or praise words are nothing to do with me. Hmmm…. does it sound all right to you? May be I am just some kind of weirdo but I don’t care.

Now that I learn about me being attention seeker, I know how to solve that problem and how to handle that. I told myself that “You don’t even give much attention to the people you care about, why do you expect other people to give their attention to you for 24/7. You need to learn how to live your life without other people attention”. I have to learn how to balance between the attention that I want and the attention I don’t want.

I guess in some way you need to know yourself to be able to become a better person or happier person. Everyday, we all are learning new about ourselves.

Busy November

By looking at the schedule, I have pretty busy November like last year. This time of last year, I was actively involved in planning and helping out for fund raising events for Burma. Having said that I think this year November will be busier than last year.

Starting from 1st of November, so many things going on. There was fund raising event for Nargis cyclone victims, then the following week there will be birthday celebration, then having meeting with my manager for my performance review, company social quiz night, having dinner with ex-boss (ex-boss of my husband as well) which hasn’t confirmed yet. There will be wedding to attend as well and helping my brother to get a professional job.

Phweeee…. Pretty hectic, huh?
I am a bit nervous about my performance review meeting, not because I didn’t performed well but because it will reflect my salary increase. I am nervous because I want more money

Our world becomes more and more dynamic and dramatic compare to 90s and earlier

Last Friday, we had to do time line exercise at the company’s conference. Everyone in the company had to join in that exercise.
First we had to line up with the age, then the small group were separated out by age like age 50 to 46, 45 to 40, 39 to 35 etc. After that huge paper roll was laid out across the room and we got the instruction to draw up how the world looked like when we were in 20 years old within 15 minutes and one of people from each group must explain about it. Each group got small sections of paper to draw up. Luckily, we don’t have the employee who is less than 20 years old. I was in the second youngest group.

We were given lot of materials to draw up like newspapers, magazines, colours markers, glues, and scissors. While we were drawing, I thought the world in our twenty were the toughest and a lots of things going on at that time. Because there was Labour party won the election, 9/11, execution of Timothy McVeigh, big brothers, pop idols etc.

But then, I was totally wrong when we looked at the drawing of the youngest group next to us. The world in their time was invasion in Iraq, Tsunami, terrorist attacks (London bombing), Hurricane Katrina, iPod took over Sony walkman etc.

After I listened to their times in their twenty, for some groups says their time were in hippies and Vietnam war, some group says the biggest thing happened in their twenty were huge cell phone coming out for first time.  But their times were nothing like the 2000 to present time.

By the result of the excersise, I felt like the world becomes more and more dramatic and more and more difficult for the people of our time to survive.

My communication problem

Right now, I am having big deal of stress from my communication problem. I am IT professional and most of the IT professional are not so good at general chitchat. You will see them spending so much time on arguing on small IT matter but you rarely see the general chitchatting from them. This is typical of them. Generally, not so good at socializing with people other than the people from IT field.

After analysing myself, I can generally break the problem into three small problems:

Firstly, and the main problem is I love to talk but not most of the time: I don’t feel like talking to people most of the time. Because of the lack of communication to fellow employees or managements, they are sort of misunderstanding me and avoid having conversation with me. Some people in the company are trying to be nice to me by saying I am shy but they know that isn’t the case.

The company I work for is the management consultancy company and having nice personality and good communication skills are as much important as you good at your job skill. Our company has so many social activities and people are really enjoying doing so. But I am having problem with fitting into them.

I feel like I am from another world. It is not the same for feeling yourself from another world and feeling other people are from another world. If you feel other people are from another world, since you are living in your own world, you will feel more like home and comfortable but if you feel that you are from another world, you won’t be able feel comfortable with new world and you will never feel like you are part of it or part of their world. I hope that make sense.

Secondly because of language and culture differences: As I mentioned above I don’t feel like speaking most of the time especially using English language. I don’t feel comfortable about it. Whenever I started to talk in English, I felt very nervous, I run out of topic and things to say.

Thirdly because of the language differences it comes to poor listening skill: Because of I don’t understand what other people are saying, my brain tends to stop interpreting and stop listening sometime. So because of I don’t understand, I don’t know how to response to that.

Solutions:

1. Learn English more and more every day, as well as their culture and try to accept it.

2. Read newspaper, books in English other than technical books.

3. Go to communication therapy or session etc.

The view on my way to work

I always wanted to take the photos of the way to work from home but didn’t get around to it until last sunday.

I wanted to take the photos on the morning but these were taken around 12pm on Sunday.

I just love it so much and I wish I don’t have to live away from this view ever.

Enjoy!!

Passed the exam

I can finally tick off one thing from the things I have to do before end of 2008 list. I am so glad I passed one of the subject from MCT .NET 2.0 exams with 91% score. I didn’t actually think I will make it this far. I do like to read and learn from the books but hate the studying but preparing for exam, I can’t really do just reading. Whenever I opened the book and did study, something always came up: feeling hungry, some part of my body is aching etc. I know that happen because of my laziness. But I did forced myself by registered the exam first then do the studying.

Hmmm… Now one down and one to goes before end of November. That’s the plan.